Hello, substack pals and lovers of learning! This week, I have a special deep dive for you into my five steps for long-lasting change. This is for all humans, but especially those of us intellectualizers, people pleasers, and perfectionists who get stuck in endless loops of analysis without being able to move forward.
Some of us grew up learning to survive by reading the room before we even knew how to read words. We became skilled at softening our voice, scaling back our needs, scanning for cues, and staying a few steps ahead. We got used to managing other people’s emotions before they even said a word. And often, that kept the peace. It helped people like us. It made things feel a little more predictable, a little less dangerous.
But over time, those strategies became so familiar that we started to lose touch with something quieter inside us. We stopped checking in with what we actually felt, needed, or believed because that’s what our system learned to do in order to stay safe and make those around us happy.
Knowing became easier than feeling, and shifting ourselves around others became easier than staying grounded in who we were and our authenticity. And those survival strategies, practiced again and again, laid down entire roadways in the brain. They became the default routes. Congruence, that subtle alignment between our thoughts, emotions, sensations, and actions, didn’t always feel available. It might have felt risky, unfamiliar, or like something reserved for other people.
This is a chance to experiment with something different.
You don’t need to force yourself to change or become someone new overnight and you don’t even need to feel totally ready (thank goodness). You don’t need to buy another book or make another list. We’re going to find curiosity, we’re going to explore, together. We’re going to slow down enough to notice when you’re about to take a familiar road, and gently ask whether a new path might be possible.
This is what we call a self-remapping experiment. A way to observe your own patterns with neutrality. A chance to make a small shift and see what happens, an experiment (and you can’t mess up an experiment!). Maybe it’s a longer pause before explaining yourself. Maybe it’s a moment of softness after sharing something vulnerable. Maybe it’s just a breath, taken without urgency, before you decide what to say next.
Each of those moments is a construction zone. Your brain takes note, and your system begins to register a new possibility (maybe, possibly, potentially this could be safe). And with enough of those quiet experiments, something begins to shift and you start to feel the map updating beneath your feet.
That’s what this practice is for - to notice and observe, and without pressure, a slightly different route, one small experiment at a time.
In this session, I walk you through the entire process of self-remapping, which involves mapping out the destination, identifying roadblocks, and mapping out the old route that has prevented change in the past.
We’ll talk about the importance of observing and tracking our thoughts, emotions, and body sensations throughout this process and finding a non-judgmental and curious approach, similar to that of a wildlife documentarian.
First, we identify the old pattern and how it makes us feel. Then, we pause and think about the story behind this pattern and where we may have learned it. Next, we build a sense of safety and presence in the present moment. Finally, we conduct a small experiment, either real or imagined, to start constructing new, healthier patterns.
Here’s the guide - can’t wait to hear what you think!
