it's like a weather report for your brain
(the window of tolerance)
Most of us look at some type of weather report for our location so that we know what to expect, how we should dress, or maybe even which activities we are going to do. This week’s tiny spark is the window of tolerance. Think of the window of tolerance like a weather report for your brain. You might be having a sunny day where everything seems lovely and stable, or maybe you run into some inclement weather, and you feel anything but stable or sunny. This is all totally normal! Our nervous systems are made to work like a pendulum and swing between up-states and down-states throughout the day. Let’s dive into what the window of tolerance is and see how understanding it can help us in our quest to increase our resilience and become more regulated, one tiny spark at a time.
The window of tolerance is a way of naming how much capacity we have to experience the stressors of life and still feel okay. Let’s think of the window of tolerance much like the graphic below:
There are several types of weather in this graphic: sunny day, tornado, thunderstorm, grey day, and tsunami. The sunny day in the yellow between the link lines is our window of tolerance. When we are experiencing a sunny day, it represents our capacity: to feel a variety of emotions, to experience empathy, to adapt to situations that arise, to have awareness of the present moment, to feel curious and present, and to take care of self and others. It’s important to note that during a sunny day, it doesn’t mean you feel perfect and happy (sometimes it does!), but other times, it can be cloudy, gray, too hot, etc. You can feel sad (and still feel okay), angry (and still feel okay), tired, frustrated, etc. and still feel okay. Our goal isn’t to feel perfect or have the perfect day every day. That’s not realistic! The point of the sunny day and the window of tolerance is that you still feel like you’re able to respond to what’s in front of you. We want to expand the room you have in that sunny day, in that window of tolerance, so that you can be more present and resilient in your life.
Above the window of tolerance is the stormy day- perhaps a tornado or a thunderstorm. It might feel like anxiety, defensiveness, worry, panic. You might have racing thoughts or find it difficult to be flexible. Maybe you feel angry, on edge, keyed up, irritable, or like you can’t settle down. It’s totally normal to feel these thoughts and bump up, but we don’t want to stay up there in the stormy zone too long; we want to return to our “sunny day.” We are made to enter the stormy zone if something scary or stressful happens, but we want to come back down.
Below the window of tolerance is the grey day or an overwhelming day. It might feel dark and cloudy or like a wave is overtaking us (similar to a tsunami). We might feel depressed, down, and sad, overwhelmed, exhausted, isolated, disconnected, fatigued, have a hard time saying no, or struggle taking care of ourselves. These times and feelings happen to all of us; but we don’t want to stay down in the grey day area. We want to head back into the sunny day.
Throughout our lives (and even throughout the course of a day), we are moving in and out of the different zones in the window of tolerance. We want to practice skills to build our resilience and our sunny day zone so that we have more space to feel like ourselves, despite the stressors of life.
Let’s dive into the nervous system a bit. There is the autonomic nervous system, which is made up of two different parts- the sympathetic nervous system (SNS), and the parasympathetic nervous system (PNS). The SNS is like the gas pedal of the car. It gets us up, going to work, and going where we want to go. It gives us “up” energy and prepares us for action, cues us into perceived danger, and activates our flight/fight response. We need the SNS to move through our life! However, if you think back to the window of tolerance, if we start to go too fast, we are at the high end of our window of tolerance, or maybe even above it. We notice that in our nervous system, so that is where the PNS kicks in to slow us down. The PNS is the brake of the car. We obviously need the brake to slow us down for a stop sign or traffic light. In our bodies, the PNS lets us rest, relax, digest our food, and connect with others. It also helps us slow down and have more well-being and resilience.
When we feel a bit too high in the window of tolerance, we can use the brake to bring us back down. The PNS also has a built-in emergency brake- think about the emergency brake in your car…you don’t just use it to park on a hill, but if something were to happen- like your brakes going out, you could use your emergency brake. However, if you’re going 70 mph and pull your emergency brake, it’s probably not going to feel very good. Your car will still run, but it takes a lot out of it. In our bodies, when things feel like too much/too fast/too soon, the emergency brake in our body will come on, which can pull us out of our window of tolerance into a gray day/freeze state.
One last thing to note is that we can have mixed nervous system states, such as a freeze state and a flight state. Think of driving your car with the emergency brake on: you can do it, but it might be very difficult and not great for the car. Our goal is to regulate and balance the SNS “go” and PNS “rest” systems to feel stable. When we are in balance with a healthy nervous system, we easily feel the charge when we feel stressed, and we can easily discharge that stress. This is a huge part of resilience: learning to regulate your nervous system! As we learned about in the last newsletter, resilience is not a fixed trait! We can nurture it!
My invitation to you is to pick several times throughout the week and really focus in on the feelings and sensations in your body. Think of the window of tolerance and where you might be at a particular moment. If you’d like, try using some of these questions to guide you: What happens in my body when I feel good/am in my window of tolerance? What do I notice when I’m having a sunny day or moment? What happens to my body when I feel stressed? What happens in my body when I feel low?
Drop me a line and let me know what you have noticed. Remember, one step at a time, one tiny spark is all it takes and you’re not alone, I’m here cheering you on!
Sending tiny sparks of wellness your way,
Trisha
~ I’m diving deeper into nervous system regulation (and more!) over on my TikTok.
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~ Ever since eating chicken gyros in the streets of Greece, I’ve been trying to recreate the amazing taste at home. I’m eager to see if this recipe by Brunch with Babs comes close!
~ I came across this graphic by Marina Yanay-Triner over on Instagram. I think it’s fitting for this newsletter’s topic :). Remember, to come out of a protection state faster and smoother, we first have to take that tiny step to increase our resilience.
