Hi, tiny sparks readers - I wanted to let you know I’m hosting a virtual mini ~glimmer~ retreat coming up in September! If you find yourself rushing around and overbooking yourself and are looking for a moment to pause and connect in to your own resilience, then come join me. You can find more details and how to book here: glimmer mini retreat and use code tinysparks for 25% off. Thanks for supporting my work!
This week’s tiny sparks: having a bad day.
You might be thinking: “Trisha. A bad day is not a spark or a positive thing- it’s not a good thing.” You’re right, it’s not really a glimmer, but stay with me, because tiny sparks is about realistic change, and what’s more realistic than a bad day?
In our last two tiny spark newsletters, I talked about how we can track ourselves using the four pathways to understand what is going on in our minds, bodies, emotions, and lives. These pathways might give us a clue into our bodies when we are having a bad day.
Now, I just want to be clear: bad days are normal. Everyone has them. You have them, I have them, and I want to say even your dog has them (but let’s be real, a dog’s life is pretty wonderful). I’m not here to provide you with strategies to “get over” your bad day. Long term, it can lead to challenges if we try to override and suppress our feelings. I am all for meeting yourself where you are, at this specific moment in time.
If you’re joining me here and your alarm didn’t go off this morning or you spilled your freshly made cup of coffee all over your new (cream-colored) rug (just me?) or you’re running late for work because your kid/dog/cat/guinea pig got ahold of the cleaner you were using and may or may not have tried to swallow it, warranting a call to Poison Control (they are totally fine!). You didn’t have time for any of the above, because you had an appointment that you now had to cancel. Sound like you? You’re in the right place!
If you’re having a great day today as you read this, Yay! I’m so glad. Feel free to bookmark this to come back to reference during a challenging time OR read it during a calm time so that your body and brain can fully absorb the information and you have it to use when you need it).
Also, an important note: these “bad days” do not cover situations of trauma. If you are experiencing trauma, please reach out to a mental health professional.
But first. Let’s talk about another piece of bad days. Have you ever had something bad happen or a bad day and felt like the sky was falling? Maybe it feels like nothing will be ok again or nothing ever goes right for you? Yeah, you’re not alone in that. Why, oh why does that happen?
When we’ve had a history of trauma or are under stress, these events that happen in our lives that are challenging or difficult can remind us of past experiences. For example, let’s say you get up in the morning and while you’re eating breakfast, you spill a cup of coffee everywhere. Then, you get to work and your boss tells you about a small mistake you made in the presentation yesterday. You text a friend for support but they don’t respond. In isolation, these things might just make for a kind of annoying day. But what can happen is that all those emotions that get stirred up, sadness, frustration, annoyance, etc. can press on times from our past when we felt alone, abandoned unseen - often as children or in early adulthood.
Even though, in the present moment, those three things that happened are probably no big deal and will be forgotten, those bigger feelings may actually make us feel, in the present, like something much more dangerous is happening and it may feel like we can’t do anything about it.
The truth is, in adulthood, we do have the agency and capacity to take care of our own needs and do something about it - reach out to another friend, find a glimmer, or take a quick walk around the block.
But when these events happen and bring up these old patterns, it can push us into collapse. And the more we go into collapse, the harder it is to be with our own feelings and then take steps to regulate ourselves.
The good news is, there are some simple practices we can try when we’re having a bad day and starting to feel overwhelmed. Are they magic tricks? No! But they might bring just enough resilience into your mind and body to provide you with a little more space.
~ Ground yourself. This can be as simple as placing your bare feet in the grass. You can lift your foot up off the ground and drop it down lightly, feeling the impact of gravity (our bff keeping us anchored to the earth). You can also try an exercise where you notice 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste. Grounding helps bring us into the present, brings awareness to our bodies, and can help us to slow down in difficult moments.
~ Move your body. Perhaps this looks like a hike or a walk in nature, or maybe it’s a gentle flow yoga. If that seems too challenging, try simply lowering your shoulders, stretching your neck, or unclenching your jaw. When stressed, our shoulders tend to build up with tension and hang out near our ears, and we also tend to clench our jaws. Mindfully lowering the shoulders to their resting position and relaxing your jaw muscles can feel therapeutic. Stand up where you are and try gently marching in place or pushing your feet against the ground.
~ Get out into nature. This is one of my favorites because there is something incredibly powerful and healing about nature. Many times, when I’m having a bad day, I might want to sit inside and wallow in my bad mood, but when I gently get myself outside, I feel a sense of peace and calm that I can only feel when I’m not inside walls.
~ Laugh. Watch a funny show, scroll through funny social media videos, call a funny friend…there’s something about laughter that can lift one’s spirits. If you don’t feel like laughing, maybe just Netflix and chill…take that meaning at face value and truly chill. My go-to show when I’m needing a pick-me-up is Gilmore Girls. What’s your tried and true favorite?
~Do something creative. There’s something about using your hands to create. Paint a picture, color in a coloring book, write in a journal, or create a collage; whatever gets your creative juices flowing is the goal.
~ Look for the glimmers. A couple of newsletters ago, we talked about glimmers. Reminder: glimmers are cues that the body and brain are having a feeling of pleasantness, safety, and connection. If you want to see some ideas of others’ glimmers (from the simple crawling into bed with clean sheets to the more complex vacationing in a tropical location), I have them saved as a story highlight on my Instagram.
~ Phone a friend (any other 80s/90s kids automatically think of Who Wants to be a Millionaire?). You may not be a phone person, *cough, me* but even I have to admit that there are times when talking on the phone to a friend can pull me out of a funk. It might start as a call to complain or commiserate, and as the call evolves and we talk as if no time has passed, I find my spirits a little lifted.
~ Do something kind for someone else. When you’re having a bad day, it can be difficult to see beyond this moment. However, sometimes doing something nice for someone else can bring them AND you some cheer. For example: text a friend how much they mean to you or pay them a compliment, comment on or share a small business’s social media post, pay for the coffee for the person behind you in the drive-thru, write a card or letter to someone, or thank someone who’s had a positive impact on your life.
~ Find some water. I think water has healing properties, and I’m not sure how. I’m lucky enough to live near water, but water can be found in your home too! A hot steamy shower or a nice bubble bath almost always cheers me up! If that’s not accessible to you, try sticking your hands in a container of water and gently splashing around or putting your hands on your face…who said water play was for kids?!
~ Practice gratitude. It’s easy to get caught up in collapse and “why me?” thoughts. Actively calling to mind 3-5 things or people you’re grateful for and either writing them down or picturing them in your mind can gently bring some softness to that moment.
~ Rest. Contrary to popular belief, rest is productive. It is not a reward for working. Making sure your body and mind are physically rested is so important. On that note, hydrate, drink some water, and eat some nourishing food; your body will thank you.
~ Remind yourself that you have made it through 100% of your bad days so far. You are strong and resilient, and you will make it through this difficult time too. Repeat a mantra to yourself. One I like is: I am safe, I am loved, I am enough. Sometimes, speaking it out loud can be powerful. From me to you: you are loved. You are enough. You can also try something more neutral like “It makes sense that I feel this way.” or “Anyone would feel this way.”
So, the next time you’re having a rough day, try one or more of these strategies. Over time, you will start to get an idea of what helps you move through those funky feelings. Feel free to join me on Tiktok, Instagram, or Youtube where I share my thoughts, and you’re welcome to share your insights too. I would love to hear about your bad days (there’s camaraderie in misery) AND what helps you get through the tough times. Don’t forget to join me on Instagram for glimmer Fridays!
Sending tiny sparks of wellness your way,
Trisha
~Here’s a video on my TikTok where I explore having neutral days.
~ There’s something about salads and summertime. I think salads just taste better in the summer. As soon as I get some butternut squash, I’m making this Hot Honey and Feta Squash Salad! Thanks to GrilledCheeseSocial on Instagram for the recipe.
~ I saw this post from one of my faves, Morgan Harper Nichols on Instagram, and on the days where you’re not feeling your best, just remember “You have more impact than you know.”