there's a spark in you...
(you just gotta ignite the light and let it shine)
It’s a tiny bit early in the year for fireworks, but Katy Perry’s “Fireworks” lyrics are relevant year-round. This week’s tiny spark: tiny sparks. If you follow me on social media, you have likely seen me reference tiny sparks; it’s all over my newsletter as well. You probably know what a spark is: a very small fire. It may sound cheesy, but every roaring fire starts with the tiniest spark. The reason tiny sparks is so important and relevant is because any type of change that’s successful starts with the smallest spark. And, surprise, that very idea is founded in neuroscience - our brain doesn’t like big changes!
Have you ever tried to make a change in your life and found that you didn’t stick with the change? That’s because change is hard. This is important, so I’m going to write it again: change is hard. Even typing those words makes me think of some times I’ve tried to make changes in my own life, and just acknowledging the reality of those words makes me feel more at peace. There is a real reason that change is hard. Our brains are wired to conserve energy at all costs and resist change because change feels dangerous and uncomfortable. Our bodies are responding as designed by resisting changes because our brains like to follow the same pathways they always have.
Without going into too much “brain” detail (though you know I love the brain!), what happens is with change or something new, novel, or different, the area of the brain being used moves from the thinking center (prefrontal cortex) into the survival/novelty center (amygdala). The amygdala is also associated with the “fight/flight/freeze/fawn” response. This is why changes or new habits are so hard; it’s pretty difficult to be logical and rational when your brain’s survival center is activated. Imagine trying to learn advanced calculus while locked in a room with a tiger. I don’t think you’d be focused on the math!
So, how can we make changes or be successful in forming new habits in our lives if it’s so hard and our brains actively resist it? We start small, with a tiny spark. We make it realistic, meet ourselves where we are right now, and we take it little by little. Starting very tiny is what leads to long-term success. Like, even tinier than you think is tiny. T I N Y.
It’s essential to meet ourselves where we are because it’s likely that we have been doing our current habits and behaviors for a long time. We learned them to function in response to the environment we were in; it kept us safe and connected! Therefore, these pathways in the brain are going to be very well-developed. There’s a saying, “neurons that fire together, wire together.” This means that the things we do repeatedly will stick, forming the pathways in our brain (whether they are helpful or not).
[One quick note: if you have experienced trauma or are in a long pattern of stress or overwhelm, the brain is already under duress and is going to resist change strongly. Bringing change into your life probably isn’t going to be possible without first bringing some regulation to the nervous system, because your prefrontal cortex is not fully engaged. Any type of change can be extra hard, so please go gently. Of course, this is very nuanced and is beyond the scope of this newsletter. Please know that if this is you, I’m here for you.]
Let’s think of the pathways in the brain as a well-developed, smooth highway. You’re driving along and everything is going as planned. Then, let’s say you decide you want to make a change or form a new habit. You read this newsletter, or maybe you’ve taken my Realistic Resilience course 😉, so you know that the key to lasting change is to start with the tiniest spark. You wanted to make a habit of walking every day, drinking 2 liters of water, and meditating for 30 minutes. However, you have revised those goals into a tiny, realistic spark, and have decided that the habit you are focusing on for the time being is walking 10 minutes a day.
The first days you attempt your new habit, it may go very well! You have dopamine on your side with this exciting new habit. After a few days pass and the novelty wears off, walking those 10 minutes is seeming quite difficult. Think back to the pathways of the brain being like a highway. Well, you adding this habit is like switching to unchartered paths through the dense Amazon jungle. It’s hard! Just to get through, you have to get your machete out, tear down vines and trees, and every step is a struggle. So you go back to that smooth highway. The next day, you end up in the same jungle, but this time, the path is slightly tamped down. It’s still hard to get through, but it’s easier than yesterday. You end up back on the highway again. This repeats for a while, until one day, you notice that that smooth highway isn’t actually as great as you thought: there are potholes and cracks. The jungle path has become more passable with each day you’ve traversed it, and you’re finding that you prefer the scenic route. Voila! Hurray! You have created a new pathway in your brain. The beauty of the brain is its ability to be flexible and change (neuroplasticity), no matter how old you are!
Those tiny sparks are how we change our brain: we send a neuron in a new direction. Each and every time we shift ourselves in a tiny way, we start building a new neural pathway. Just like most things in life, this is something we have to practice (and continue to practice). I have mentioned the importance of neutrality and observing yourself. This helps to build your capacity for rewiring your brain! Meet yourself where you’re at; remember, what gets us moving towards our goals and what we want is starting where we are. If you are trying new things and trying to form new pathways, know that you are not alone. You can do it in realistic, supportive ways!
My challenge to you is to think of a habit you’re working on forming or want to form. Try to keep it simple and enjoyable (and realistic). I invite you to write down that aspiration. Now, I encourage you to make it smaller/more realistic (you can also write that down). Finally, take a look and make it the smallest, tiny spark you can. Over the next few days, as you practice this habit, go slowly and check in with yourself and see how it is to develop this new habit. Is it feeling like an untamed jungle, or is it becoming a smoother pathway over time?
Drop me a line and let me know your tiny spark this week - remember, one step at a time, one tiny spark is all it takes and you’re not alone, I’m here cheering you on!
Sending tiny sparks of wellness your way,
Trisha
~ I’m exploring why nervous system regulation isn’t the be all end all (and more!) over on my TikTok.
~ I have been spending some time in the kitchen trying new recipes, and on my list to try is this teriyaki salmon bowl by Buzzfeed Tasty. It looks simple and delicious!
~ Something I continue to revisit is the idea of being enough for myself- just the way I am, no matter what I accomplished (or didn’t) today. I’m reflecting on this simple graphic by Keely Shaw over on Instagram. I think it’s important to recognize that you-right now, reading this newsletter- are just right and you are enough- even if you don’t change any habits, or forge new neural pathways. So, if anyone hasn’t told you today (or if it’s difficult to tell yourself), let me be the one to tell you that you are just right!
